Northwestern majors as Halloween costumes

    As Halloween approaches, wouldn’t it be great if we avoided racially and culturally offensive costumes and instead made fun of ourselves? I thought so, too! If you're struggling to find a last-minute costume, here are some easy ideas for dressing up as different majors. Enjoy the roasts.

    Consider your Theater major friends. We love their uncalled for obnoxiousness and their daily award-winning outfits, but they’re so easy to make fun of. Plaid skirts and fishnet tights with high-heeled knee-high boots, perfectly paired with a turtleneck and perhaps a black denim jacket. Or maybe a bomber jacket over a button up shirt with distressed black jeans and cap toe boots. Their hair somehow is always well-kept or perfectly messy. If they wear makeup, they most definitely embrace their artsy side to showcase their best features. Theater majors are always dressed ready for the spotlight. That’s showbiz, baby!!!

    In Bienen, we have two polar opposites: the jazz kids and the classical kids. In order to pull off the jazz look, grow your hair out so that it somewhat covers your eyes. Next, find a flannel roughly three sizes too big and wear it over unfitted jeans. Then, grab your Converse and rub some dirt on them to give them a “worn, but not too worn, but should probably be cleaned soon, but could also not and still be fine” look. Make sure your eyes are a bit red and slightly closed… because you’re tired, of course. Claim you got sprayed by a skunk. To dress up as a classical major, try turning invisible or going into hiding because have you seen one? No. Exactly.

    Moving on to the Econ majors, you have the most expensive costumes. Years of private school shaped you into the fashionistas that you are! The showstopping Vineyard Vines salmon pink™ knee-length shorts (or chubbies if you’re feeling risky), Ralph Lauren teal blue polo and classic brown Sperrys make for an outfit that screams, “My dad will sue yours, and when I grow up I’ll sue you.” Don’t forget to pose with your feet a little wider than shoulder-width apart and hands casually folded at the belt line. You’ll look great.

    And what about our math and sciences people? Don’t worry, you have the easiest outfit—not major, as they will constantly remind you. Throw on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie with a pair of slides or tennis shoes. Tousle up your hair because when did they last comb it? Who knows. Use makeup to add dark circles under your eyes, and make sure your eyes are slightly red from legitimate exhaustion. They’re tired from staying up extra late to outdo everyone else and then brag about sleeping for a total of eight hours all week.

    For SESP majors, take a trip to the local preschool. Steal some crayons, markers and fingerpaint to stuff in your overalls front pocket. We must always stay prepared to teach America’s youth! SESP majors always get made fun of, so I’ll take it easy on you guys.

    We couldn’t forget about the future leaders of America (don’t forget to vote Nov. 6). Poli-Sci majors always dress professionally because who knows what photos will be brought up from their pasts when they run for office. They can’t afford a scandal. Therefore, head to Banana Republic and grab a pantsuit. To get in the Halloween spirit, try black slacks with a tucked-in orange button-up and a blazer. Perhaps orange high socks? We don’t need to get too wild here; after all, we have an image to maintain.

    As for the Journalism majors, they’re the personification of “jittery.” Their anxious aura stems from not knowing if they’ll have a job in the future and in order to get “clicks,” they’ll need to write clickbait articles like “Northwestern Majors as Halloween Costumes.” To fit in, delete all your apps and download Twitter and The New York Times — you need nothing else. Make sure to constantly check your phone for NYT notifications and when you finally get one, ask everyone if they heard about the headline even though it just came out and literally no one knows what you’re talking about yet. For your outfit, put on some square-frame glasses and carry a small notebook and pen because you never know when you might find your next story.

    If you'd rather not make fun of your fellow peers and their majors, try coming up with your own creative, unique costume — like a bunny or cat! Those have never been done before.


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